Another Day Another Goodbye

This past week has been traumatic for me with goodbyes. I hate goodbyes, I think everyone does. Tonight I say goodbye to my best friends that have been there for me for over 20 years. I guess it's not goodbye though, it's just see you later. I will be back to visit. I have to be back. My family is here and my cousin is getting married in 2008.

It just seems so scary to me to be leaving all the things I have grown to love and appreciate for something that is completely unknown and foreign to me. There hasn't been a day that I haven't cried about something. I suppose its natural to feel this way, but I hate the up and down roller coaster of emotions I am on. I just want to feel normal again. On another note, I forgot I had a hair appointment today. Well thats not totally true, I remembered on Wednesday, but the end of the week had me so frazzled with it being my last days at work I forgot about it again. I remembered it enough to say "I got to cancel that". Damn them I told them to call me on my cell as a reminder, not my home phone. I just wish I would find out about my car. I am on pins and needles. I know D will take it, but when? I need time to pack up my crap. I have been procrastinating because packing makes it all final. Plus I don't know how I am going to pack all this shit up. I am not bringing much in terms of a variety of stuff. Just the basic cloths, shoes, tv, dvd player, computer etc. I want to have it all fit in my car so that if at some point I decide FL is not for me I can just put everything in my car and go.

However, I don't want to go with the feeling that I am going to run home again. That is not a good way to start off this adventure. I am going with the intent of staying. I want to stay. This is what I have been thinking in my head since January. I need to do this. I am sure that when I get there and see how things are all these feelings of self doubt will disappear. My main fear is finding a job. I have always had a job lined up, so not having a job is a frightening thing for me. I don't want to be a lazy oaf sitting at home on my couch eating potato chips watching Oprah. Although, I can't dis Oprah. I do love me some Oprah, but she is only enjoyable when for some reason, I get out of work early, or have a day off, where I know I have a job the next day to go to. Oprah on occasion is enjoyable. Oprah every day is depressing.